July 2012
6 posts
June 2012
15 posts
Katie Holmes says she’s “looking forward to wearing heels again.”
— Joe Schmitt (@joeschmitt)
I should point out that I came up with this when I remembered what Nicole Kidman said to Letterman shortly after they were divorced. Something like “I no longer have to wear flats.”
“Chicagoans, nothing to worry about. It’s not dark at noon because of some storm; it’s just Mr. Burns blocking out the sun again.”
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“ALERT: Gay Pride Oreos are just a plot by Michelle Obama to keep Christian conservative children from getting diabetes. DON’T FALL FOR IT!!!”
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Follow if you’re a fan of Colbert-esque satire
“My wife is sad about not getting tickets to Morrissey. Not listening-to-Morrissey-songs-all-day-and-night sad, but sad nonetheless.”
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“Sorry, but “21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity” is no match for reading the disturbing comments on any YouTube video.”
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“Montreal poetry competitions are the new Agricultural Minister of Namibia scams.”
—Moe Levin
Play
“When the toilet automatically flushes, I think “Yeah, that’s right robot. Flush that toilet.” I’m certain, though, I’ll get along better with robots once we develop a proper A.I.”
—My friend Sam
“It’s bad enough we’re constantly bombarded by suggestive images, whether it’s from Georgia O’Keeffe paintings or lady celebrities getting out of limousines or towels folded in half.”
—@RexHuppke, in a hilarious article about the controversy in Michigan regarding the word “vagina”
“No, no, no, no, no! I REFUSE to refer to LeBron as “LBJ”. Although I might change my mind if he signed the Voting Rights Act.”
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“Forgive me for noting that conservatives seem to believe that the rich will work harder if we give them more, and the poor will work harder if we give them less.”
—E.J. Dionne Jr.
