June 2011
68 posts
Ever since I heard Justin Timberlake bought MySpace, I’ve been trying to rewrite the lyrics
I’m bringing MySpace back
them other sites…
This is how my brain works. I’m not proud.
WatchThe Michele Bachmann History Channel (by Conan)
“RT @EveryoneOnTwitter: Google Plus sounds lame. And how do I get an invite?”
Stephen Colbert wins SuperPAC permission. Is it... →
He says no. Then went on to tell this FEC joke of his own:
“Knock knock?” Colbert said.
“Who’s there?” asked the crowd.
“Unlimited union and corporate campaign contributions,” Colbert said.
“Unlimited union and corporate campaign contributions who?” the crowd replied, not quite in unison.
“That’s the thing, I don’t think...
“I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no Google Plus invite.”
“Google Plus will let me email all my friends who weren’t invited to Google...”
– And also I still don’t have any way to invite people!
“For those of you fishing for Google Plus invites, I can’t invite you. Yes,...”
“I love being on Google Plus! It’s a social network I can’t add my...”
Someone please explain to me why 2 of the 3 judges on AMERICA’s Got Talent are BRITISH.
“New law in Illinois requiring passengers in the back seat to buckle up takes...”
“Despite the long prison sentence Blagojevich is expected to be out in time to...”
“Prosecutors should offer to cut a year off his sentence if Blagojevich will...”
“Blagojevich is GUILTY!
GUILTY!
GUILTY!
GUILTY!
GUILTY!
GUILTY!
GUILTY!...”
“BREAKING: While news channels wait for Blagojevich verdict to be announced,...”
“Blagojevich verdict will be read shortly. Was supposed to be an hour ago, but...”
“Somewhere between the 7th and 8th cup of coffee I hear my bladder plead for me...”
“Still surprised Google Health didn’t catch on. It’s as though people...”
“BREAKING: Google to shut down Google Health “unless anyone can give a...”
Osama bin Laden Thought al-Qaeda Had A Marketing... →
I can only imagine how hard it would be to work at al-Qaeda’s agency of record. The focus groups would be murder!
“Peter Falk ‘s death leaves a lot of unanswered questions, though some of...”
Laptops Powered by Typing Could Be on the Way →
No word on when scientists will develop a truly unlimited, renewable source of computer power— laptops powered by jerking.
“I’m just charging the battery!”
1 tag
Georgia's anti-immigrant law leaves millions in... →
But no forest fires! SNAP!
3 tags
“the media with their long track record of getting things wrong or just making...”
– Sarah Palin
She really said this. I’m not making it up.
1 tag
“I had dinner from a food truck, but I didn’t take an Instagram of it, so...”
“BREAKING: The FDA stepped up attempts to discourage smoking by giving lung...”
Green Mile Actor, 51, Marries 16-Year-Old Aspiring... →
Putting aside for the moment that a 51-year-old marrying a 16-year-old is creepy, what the hell does “16-Year-Old Aspiring Country Singer” mean? How does that add anything to the story? She’s 16 and likes country music.
New workplace column by @RexHuppke →
A good effort, though I’m a little confused at how the online editor thought putting up a photo question about getting a coworker to clean up their desk made sense since no mention is made of it in the article. But, hey, who am I to tell the newspaper how to run itself into the ground?
“Fried Kool-Aid makes perfect sense if you think about it—the diabetes and...”
“McCain blames illegals for AZ fires: “It was certainly started by someone...”
Only 2 of the 51 Miss USA contestants believe in... →
“My last two purchases were “Rubber Duckie” and “Me So...”
“I feel sorry for the homeless guy. I feel really sorry for his dog, though,...”
– — Norm MacDonald
“Perhaps the greatest joke ever written.” — Dennis Miller
Listen to a whole hour of Dennis rap with comedic geniuses Norm MacDonald and Jason Sudeikis from Thursday’s show here.
Part of Dennis’s two weeks of guests from the cast of Saturday Night Live, past and present. It’s been...
“BREAKING: Palin expected announce next week whether she’ll enter the...”
Poor Weiner forced to resign.
If only he’d just
used prostitutes,
taken bribes,
had relations with that woman,
been the prime suspect in the disappearance of the hot intern that turned up dead,
or solicited in the MSP bathroom,
he might still have a job today.
There’s more. What did I miss?
“Green Lantern panned by critics? Shocking. Hard to imagine how such a lame...”
1 tag
“RT @MittRomney: “Ich bin ein Berliner”
2 tags
“Daily Show is a rerun tonight? Oh, well, I guess there was nothing to report on.”
Anthony Weiner: "Me So Horny"
Seems like he should be part of the song:
Verse 5: Brother Anthony
Sittin’ in the House with my bulging package So I pulled up Twitter for a freak to message Picked up my iPhone, then snapped a quick pic Tweeted, “Yo, this Weiner, baby! How you like my dick?” I arrived at the gym, went up to the mirror Puffed out my chest so the photo’d be clearer. I’m like a dog in...
“SPOILER ALERT: Gov. Rick Perry (TX) is winner of GOP debate.”
“A team not from Chicago defeated another team not from Chicago to win the NBA...”
Is there a setting in FireFox 4 that allows me to set my preference to “always skip intro”?
“I understand now guys’ penises will be called “weiners”. Crazy...”
28 comments on a wistful Facebook status about a son going away for 2 weeks and not one said “Awwww…” Is Facebook broken?
“BREAKING: Emboldened by finally getting a story right, Breitbart demands junk...”
“BREAKING: Rep. Weiner resigns, opens sex chat business for lonely women....”
