“The Joliet Diocese has stopped its foster care program. Because gay people have rights. You know, just like Jesus told them to.”
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May 2011
61 posts
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I Just Work Here: a new column from @RexHuppke →
rexworkshere.tumblr.com
Welcome to the official fan page of the “I Just Work Here” column, a Chicago Tribune workplace column that, interestingly enough, has yet to be printed. Yes, this is a Facebook fan page for something that doesn’t quite yet exist. But it will. Soon. I promise.
The column will debut on Tuesday,…
“It’s so great when TV tells me what I want to hear. Now I know what racists like so much about Fox News!”
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I hate evite!
It wouldnt let me say how many people I was rsvping for from my iPhone. And couldn’t add to my calendar. Is there no other way to invite people to things that we must keep using this awful, unusable site? They’ve had 3 and a half years to get this to work on smartphones.
Am I the only one who sees this?
“Harold Camping now says the Rapture will occur on Oct. 21. He then added that he is “not a crackpot”.”
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Harold Camping now says the Rapture will occur on Oct. 21.
So mark your calendars:
6/1-10/21 Collect donations to Camping ministry so Rapture date can be advertised
9/21 Put up billboards reminding people of the Rapture
10/21 Rapture
10/22 Jokes about how the Rapture didn’t happen, endure ridicule
10/23 Jokes die down
10/24 Count the millions from last failed prediction (thanks, suckers!)
10/25 Predict Rapture on new date
11/1 Begin collecting money to advertise new Rapture date
Lather, rinse, repeat.
ATTENTION Lady Gaga fans:
Amazon has her latest album for 99cents today, and for only $50 I’ll come punch you in the face too.
I have an intern.
This should be interesting. What should I make him do?
Yesterday on Facebook: “Rapture? Ha! What a fool.”
Today: “My horoscope says My husband will be a Gemini.”
“Food poisoning: I can’t believe it’s not hangover! ™”
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Hey, guys! Jesus just called and apologized for yesterday.
He’d like to reschedule— does July 12th work for everyone? No? The 19th maybe?
I’m not sure what the point of predicting the end of the world is— it’s the one thing you’ll never get to say “I told you so” about.
And really, what else is there?
“We’re having poached chicken for dinner. I’m not sure who my wife stole the chicken from, but it sure is good.”
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“Kirk Cameron says Stephen Hawking is wrong. Let’s think about that sentence for a minute.”
—My friend Sam
Hey! I just clicked on a virus that auto-DMed everyone who follows me. Here’s the link: http://bit.ly/kzN210 (Please RT)
New Mayor
- Me: So we have a new mayor now.
- Taylor: We do? Who is it?
- [silence in the room]
- Me: Rahm. The inauguration is today.
- Taylor: Oh, I thought you meant there was a new mayor of our office on Foursquare.
“Stephen Hawking says heaven is a “fairy tale for people who fear death”. Fair enough, but I’m not sure Sesame Street was the right venue.”
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