January 2011
55 posts
In 2011 I resolve to stop making a big deal out of pointless non-events like when the clock or calendar changes.
December 2010
46 posts
HINT: If your answer is “I’m not a crazy cat woman. I have DOGS.” then you’re not winning the argument.
“There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and servings per container.”
When Hugh Hefner proposed, his girlfriend burst into tears, saying “So it has come to this— a hundred year old perv proposes, and this is the best I can do.”
“Captain Von Trapp is so strict and disciplined that he’d probably make a...”
– Yes, I am live-tweeting The Sound Of Music, and so is @thetcat.
“Bears win, so nothing left to do now but sit back and watch The Sound Of Music.”
Totally Real Conversation We Heard
Person: Once he came in 2nd in a chili cookoff.
Stupid Person: Oh, really. What did he make?
Person: ...
Stupid Person: ?
Person: Chili. He made chili.
I hope no one in Chicago got an iPhone today, because I’m tired of sharing what little 3G AT&T has here.
Oh, and merry Christmas!
Who needs Santa when their wife is making cookies?
“According to the local news there are people out shopping today. Though to be...”
OK, so is there a way to backup Tumblr posts to a file?
“I don’t mean to brag, but I’m so old I can remember when blankets...”
“It’s hard text-flirting with my wife when my phone keeps on changing RAWR to...”
– Me.
(I hope my wife doesn’t get in the car and head out towards Long Island.)
I want notifications
What happened to Tumblr notifications? It was the only way to see if someone liked an older post. Get me your supervisor on the phone.
I feel bad for that one Army Ranger who watches Bravo who now has been asked a thousand times if he’s gay. It STILL doesn’t matter.
“CAUTIONARY TALE: If DeNiro gets hit by a car tomorrow, his obituary will start...”
Also I’d like to point out that the iPhone autocorrect failed to recognize “hipster” or “doofus”. Who do they think are buying iPhones?
I’m more convinced than ever that the only difference between a crazy homeless person talking to themselves on the street and a hipster doofus is Bluetooth.
And sometimes I can’t see the Bluetooth.
Dark Gray vs. Light Gray
katefeetie:
I ordered a custom hoodie whose gray options were “light gray” and “dark gray” and I ordered it in “dark gray” and I got it in an “athletic gray” when I was expecting more of a “charcoal gray” and I don’t know whether I can send it back and this is seriously what I obsess over these days.
Well, boo hoo hoo, young lady. When I was your age, we didn’t have color— take a...
How do you back-up/download your tweets?
I used to use Tweetake but it never works any more. Anyone have any suggestions?
“Now that the Bears have clinched, they can be as lazy the next 2 games as the...”
“Remember the reason for the season: Lying to children about where their presents...”
“Next up on MTV’s Virgin Pregnancy: Mary tells Joseph that an “angel...”
“Talk of the Winter Solstice seems to have eclipsed everything else on Twitter...”
“I hope your life doesn’t lose its purpose when you finally beat me at...”
“I hope this isn’t dumb clothes.”
– 5-year-old, speculating on what his present is
“This happy meal came with a Transformer. It’s a robot that transforms into...”
“I have a suggestion: MTV makes a show called Young & Stupid, plays it 24...”
“I don’t like this new Facebook layout. I liked that one on March 21st, and...”
“I’ll stay neutral in the War On Christmas, but if there’s ever a War...”
Chinese archaeologists unearth 2,400-year-old... →
But there’s more to the story: Later a 2,480 year old man sent it back because it was cold.
New Drinking Game
Drink every time someone on ESPN says something that is
not a cliche.
not about Favre.
not about the streak.
take a drink.
Well, really it’s more of a sobriety game.
I just heard a hilarious joke.
Get this— the NFL is giving free tickets to tonight’s game—ha ha ha — to anyone who will drive to— ha ha ha— Detroit to watch the game. Detroit! And they announced this with a straight face. Ha ha ha! Detroit! Oh, that’s rich.
Where's the YAWN button in Facebook?
“My boss took the 5:30, 90-minute, 55-person conference call and sent me home....”
Is there an app that let’s you watch movies from the 80s without all the awful, dated music?
Me: Oh, look NBC is playing Law & Order all night. Big surprise!
Me: Which one? There's so many flavors.
Me: I don't know-- Law & Order: Mad Libs maybe?
Sometimes I have to be my own straight man.
Sure, I was in my pajamas all day.
But after my 7PM shower I did change into CLEAN pajamas, so what’s your point?
OK, everyone who's ever received a car for...
I thought so. Now can we finally drop that premise from car commercials in December?
LET'S HELP DEB MOVE
ronbailey:
Hey team, I’m not sure if all of you know Deb (http://debshock.tumblr.com), but she’s a pretty sweet kid who’s having a rough go of things. She unexpectedly found out last night that she has just three days to find another place to live, and it caught her totally off-guard since payday isn’t for another week.
Anyway, I’ve set up a Pledgie page to raise whatever funds we can to help...
Why I Love Twitter-- sometimes people take the...
@joeschmitt: Mark my words, people. We’re in a show choir bubble. And I don’t care which party is in power when it bursts, we cannot bail them out!
@dysolution: This all started back when they repealed Porter-Fosse and the market was flooded with all of those sub-prime montages.
“Oh, I see AT&T— it’s not that your 3G service is crappy;...”
“Mark my words, people. We’re in a show choir bubble. And I don’t...”