January 2010
39 posts
So do I have to change my avatar to Harry Potter for Doppelgänger week?
“Cats are occasionally polydactyl, having six toes on their front paws instead of...”
– My friend Sam, on Facebook. He really needs to get on Twitter.
JD Salinger is dead. You know what that means— only 75 years until the copyright expires and they make a Catcher In The Rye movie. Thank God I’ll be dead by then.
My boyfriend must love me because he just told me...
sarkastickunt:
Either that, or he has a thing on the side with some one who lives there…hmmm.
I may need to do further research on this matter.
But until then…FUCK YEAH I’M COMING!
I don’t know who will be more excited about this, me or my lovely wife. @sarkastickunt is one of our favorites.
Must be tough being a crow homicide detective....
Detective: I have a few questions about the murder of a crow.
Witness: A murder of crows? Yes, there were a lot of them.
“In this big dramatic production that didn’t do anyone any good (and was pretty...”
– Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source (via texburgher)
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“Sometimes the best offense is a good defense and a motherfucking battleship and...”
– @benmarvin, Tweet of the Day runner-up, January 28, 2010 And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“I’m no economics whiz, but considering how far Apple has come since 1997,...”
– @dresspants, Tweet of the Day, January 28, 2010 And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“I just entered to win a free Black President! He comes with his own transparency...”
– @MochaMomma, though she loses points for this being too long to retweet without resorting to textspeak.
It's days like this I miss Favrd.
Favstar (http://favstar.fm/) does a better job of collecting stars, letting you star tweets older than a day, following people you find there, and many other things. But one thing it doesn’t have is search. On a day like today you could type “iPad” into the search box on Favrd and see what jokes about it had the most stars. And while they might not all be hilarious, they’ve...
Why does the local news have someone giving a live...
It’s not a breaking story; court closed 5 hours ago.
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“I’m not a medical doctor per se, but has anyone asked Michael J. Fox if...”
– @plaid_lemur, Tweet of the Day, January 19, 2010 And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
I just finished watching Terminator: Salvation,...
Where does all that ammunition come from? Is someone still running ammunition factories?
“Sure, that happens all the time. Get off the highway, stop at a bar, meet the...”
– @tehawesome, at #chsh (Chicago-ish tweetup), about all the people who drove in from out-of-state, as mentioned in @frageelay’s wrap-up
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“Sarah Palin lands in Tahiti this afternoon to help with the rescue effort.”
– @northpacific, Tweet of the Day, January 14, 2010 (nominated by @lafix & @theTCAT) And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
Conversation recorded by @justirish:
W: "We Shall Overcome"? Never heard of it.
S: Really?
W: Who sang it? Martin Luther King?
S: Yes, it's on his album "I Have A Dream."
“overgloat (v) to gloat too much; to gloat so much it can’t all come out at...”
– @joeschmitt
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“Kids, I want you all to remember this: there’s always semen in amusement.”
– @Thaozilla, Tweet of the Day, January 12, 2009 (nominated by @KuraFire) And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“Fission reactor, checking out a uranium atom: “Oh yeah, I’d split that.”
– @nonsequiturific, Tweet of the Day, January 12, 2009 And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“Mark McGwire admits using steroids.
Sarah Palin joins Fox News.
Happy...”
– @jaredwsmith, Tweet of the Day, January 11, 2009 And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
Coworker: I just saw a full beard and breasts on the elevator.
Me: What?
Coworker: There was this guy (girl?) with a full beard and breasts on the elevator. I tried not to look, but you know you can't help yourself.
Me: Mmhmm.
Coworker: The beard was impressive-- much thicker than yours when you grow it out.
Me: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
What hashtag should I use?
I have a bunch of “taglines rejected by the Catholic Church for their new ad campaign” tweets. What hashtag should I use? This one seems a little long:
#taglinesrejectedbyCatholicChurch
If those Catholic Church commercials don’t work, soon the Pope will be trying to friend us all on Facebook. “Pope Benedict wants you to join his Mafia family…”
“The arctic jet stream has pushed its way again onto the great plains and...”
– My friend Sam, who doesn’t understand why I keep telling him he belongs on Twitter. He has status updates like this all the time.
Heart or star this if you agree.
On the way home from a holiday party.
Wife: I can't believe you didn't notice. Her perfume was beyond heinous!
Her friend: Is that what it's called?
Wife: Beyond Heinous, the new fragrance from Calvin Klein.