April 2009
92 posts
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What are my funniest tweets?
A reporter interviewed me for an article about Twitter and asked if I had a list of my funniest tweets. A twesume, if you will. (Sorry about that. Please forgive me.) Of course I have kept no records. I’ve attemped to preserve my picks for Tweet of the Day through Tumblr, but short of wading through page after page of Favrd, I’ve got nothing. So I’m asking all of you - what were...
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I hated the movie Secretary
I hope you’re not mad.
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People I would like to join Twitter, with examples...
aedison:
Batman: “I am the night! Also, @AlfredP-we’re out of cottage cheese.”
Neo from The Matrix: “Seriously, you’re telling the machines the minutiae of your private lives? Did you learn nothing from my movies? Besides how to make shitty movies?”
George W. Bush: “@BarackObama—Man, would I hate to have your job.”
Holden Caulfield: “@FakeSarahPalin you’re a phony.”
Michael Bluth:...
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“Just went on a long rant about how Twitter isn’t a HS popularity contest...”
– @smellow, Tweet of the Day honorable mention, April 29, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“Having finally worked out gravity, Newton then faced a much harder task....”
– @cravenheart, Tweet of the Day runner-up, April 29, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“It’s sad that kids today have no idea that Prince was once known as The...”
– @gordonshumway, Tweet of the Day, April 29, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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Which Homeless Guy Is The Least Scary Or Talkative
Eating lunch at the library always starts with a challenging game of Which Homeless Guy Is The Least Scary Or Talkative. Who wants to play?
The first thing you need to know is to avoid rookie mistakes:
An empty seat next to you might seem like a good idea, but that just leaves a spot for the next crazy hobo in the door. And they come and go all day - what else do they have to do? Also it’s...
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Tumblr has cut me off
Tumblr apparently has a limit on how many questions you can ask in a day, and I have hit it. Maybe I can see how they need to limit the amount of video or audio they let people upload in a day because of disk space and whatnot. But asking questions? Ridiculous. And who set the bar at only two? Two? Really?
OK, those last few questions were merely rhetorical.
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Vimeo?
You guys post a lot of video, but I rarely get to watch it because lots of times I check from my iPhone and it can watch YouTube but not Vimeo. So my question is, Why do you all love Vimeo so much? What benefits does it have over YouTube?
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GCATW*
Oh, great! I change my avatar to make a joke, and now I’ve got nothing. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, people - this is what we get for electing a Hawaiin president.
*gratuitous complaint about Twitter Wednesday
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Quick question
Who is prettygirlsongs on Twitter?
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Time is indeed relative.
indefensible:
A business relationship built up over years and bound together with thousands of hours of work can be unbundled in fewer than 90 seconds.
Related: anybody in the US want to give me a very highly-paid job?
Sir, I oppose your coming to the US. Oh, I’m sure you do great work and all, but can the American male really handle having someone so universally praised as handsome and...
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OK, so it's not just me
Apparently others can’t get to indefensible’s Tumblr either. Unless he’s also blocking americanmailorderbride, which is too ridiculous to contemplate.
And I love, Love, LOVE some of the answers when I asked if there was a problem. Take a look. Oh, you clever people.
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I can't get to Indefensible's Tumblr
People are reblogging indefensible, so I click through from some of your reblogs to see what I’m missing, and the post loads for a split second, then the screen clears and it says it’s doing something but never does. I can get to everyone else’s Tumblr, so I don’t know what’s wrong.
It occurs to me that maybe you can block people on Tumblr like on Twitter, and this...
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“As soon as Miss Piggy found out that you can’t get swine flu by eating it,...”
– @Trick_or_tweet, Tweet of the Day runner-up, April 28, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“Aardvarks completely take for granted that they get to be the first word in the...”
– @JephKelley, Tweet of the Day, April 28, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“Rule-of-thumb for the people you meet on twitter: Single, sexy, mentally stable....”
– @ErsatzMoe
I didn’t pick this as Tweet of the Day, but the fact I’m still laughing about days later is a pretty good endorsement.
For the record, I am married.
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Rule #34 has failed
poeks:
“The puzzle is, how do Hutts copulate? Like snails, I speculate. If you don’t know how snails do it, let’s not even go there. The last thing this movie needs is a Jabba the Hutt sex scene.”
—
Roger Ebert’s review of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (via rafitorres)
Jen edit: I’d like to add that there are NO Google results for “Jabba the Hutt sex” that aren’t related to...
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What?
Yes, I did just carry a banana peel 3 blocks to stage a photo for Tumblr. What’s your point? Everyone does it.
They do, don’t they?
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“Car commercial: “If you lose your paycheck, we’ll make your...”
– @bananza, Tweet of the Day, April 27, 2009
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Am I funnier if I'm following?
Seriously, I’m asking. People always want me to follow them back, and frankly, at 600+ I feel like I’m at my limit for following people. When I’ve followed more than this, I feel like the people I like the most get crowded out and I don’t enjoy Twitter as much.
This is not to say I don’t follow new people. It seems I add another 5-10 each week, and unfollow an equal...
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[r-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r] : e. e. cummings
myrm:
*I was looking through an old poetry book, found this and fell in love.*
r-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r who a)s w(e loo)k upnowgath PPEGORHRASS eringint(o- aThe):l eA !p: S a (r rIvInG .gRrEaPsPhOs) ...
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My Top 5 Apps (Week Ending 2009-4-26)
TwitterFon (125)
Scrabble (70)
Safari/Favrd (42)
Safari/Tumblr (23)
Notes (17)
Imported from iPhone*
*which would like to remind me that it can be used for making calls and texting.
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WatchIt’s here - the video NO ONE demanded!
The backlash has begun! Downward, the response to @texburgher’s Skyward video about Birdhouse.
In order of appearance:
@JBRabin
@twoname
@joeschmitt
@arjunbasu
@aedison
@myracles
@beccaomgz
@yowhatsthehaps
@benmarvin
@modat
and @ErsatzMoe, who produced and starred in it.
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I JUST WENT BACK 32 PAGES BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL.
(via baileygenine)
Wow! The farthest I’ve ever gotten is 12 pages, at which point Twitter started acting like a jealous bitch, so I figured I better stop before Twitter made a scene.
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My First Favrd
This wasn’t my first Favrd, but it was the first time I made it onto the first page (previous ones took hours to get that third star). I was so excited I posted a screenshot on Facebook as “I achieved my lifelong dream of being tops on the Favrd leaderboard at 5:10 PM on October 8, 2008.” It was really hilarious if you watched My Name Is Earl that week. Sadly, I can no longer...
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“If anyone needs me I’ll be over at Facebook typing “BEEN THERE DONE...”
– @sloganeerist, Tweet of the Day runner-up, April 24, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“In a surprising turn of events, this asparagus tastes like pee.”
– @nictate, Tweet of the Day, April 24, 2009
And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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Meme's don't happen on purpose?
delgrosso:
Memes don’t happen on purpose. “Gratuitous Picture of $PERSON with $OBJECT $DAY” is a thing, but it’s not really a meme.
Memes happen spontaneously, without intent or purpose, first through repetition and sharing. Then through a creative evolution they become unique iterations of a core idea.
So when I posted my piece of “fan mail” earlier, I had no idea that “I hope your not mad”...
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A Question of Etiquette
Someone with an office is currently on speakerphone and we can all hear it. What’s the most passive-aggressive way to get them to close the fucking door?
Back to Joe Schmitt’s Greatest Hits
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I'm SUCH A Follower.
My friend @SarahInMI has joined Tumblr and asks the following question. I insist you all go answer her.
inmi:
Ugh. Everyone else had a Tumblr. I didn’t have enough ways to waste my time. Now, what am I missing?
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How To Pimp Like A Pro (on Twitter)
Every week people tweet their picks for #followfriday. Myself I’ve gone so far as to make a list of all my favorite people. I think it’s a good thing - sharing our favorites so others can appreciate them like we do.
However, I think a lot of people are phrasing their tweets in such a way that they aren’t effective. Namely, instead of looking like pimping @myfriend, they look...
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Listen to @Frageelay!
@frageelay:
Guys, please add comments to your tumblrs. It’s much faster and causes way less clutter sometimes to leave a comment instead of reblogging.
AMEN!! I hate when I click through to leave a comment and find that I can’t. Reblogging works for some things, but not others. I think of reblogging as a way to show something to the people following my Tumblr, whereas comments is a...
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“Anybody know what Maureen Dowd’s having for lunch?”
– @mnik, Tweet of the Day runner-up, April 23, 2009
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“I’m going to enhance interrogate this burrito.”
– @berimbauone, Tweet of the Day, April 23, 2009
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This is my Birdhouse
It’s a FREE app and it comes installed on every iPhone. It’ll be even better when they have cut-and-paste in 3.0.
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“Mom: “So, do you do this thing, “Twitter”?
Me: “Oh, I...”
– @MamitaIncognita, Tweet of the Day runner-up, April 22, 2009
Where were you when my father joined Facebook?
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“A retweet without stars is like a handjob without mouth.”
– @the_dza, Tweet of the Day, April 22, 2009
And if you don’t know what this means, you need to sign up for Favrd and start starring funny tweets.
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Why I love Twitter
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Watchtexburgher:
How one iPhone app changed everything.
Skyward
This is awesome. All those people talking and moving. You are the epicenter of cool today.
It makes me feel so left out. Here I’ve been using Notes to tweak my tweets until they are ready for prime time. If I wasn’t too cheap to buy an app for Twitter, would I have been invited into the video? Please say yes, even if...
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A Tumblr Dilemma
americanmailorderbride has a very entertaining Tumblr - playful, interesting, clever. But I’m starting to think I may need to move her to RSS and not follow her on Tumblr because so many of her pictures are not safe for work. I had to stop giving @Mike_FTW stars from work because I’d forget and click through to the tweet and then… oh, hello, person I barely know who needs me to...
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“If I were you, I’d say “I put the I in nuisance.”
– @ivegotzooms, Tweet of the Day, April 21, 2009
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Tweet of the Day - opinions needed
There is no official Tweet of the Day. It’s just something I said off the cuff one day to pimp a tweet by @ivegotzooms. I know I’m not the only funny one on Twitter, and so I like to pimp out some of my favorites, especially now that I have so many followers. There are so many people I enjoy, that I want other people to appreciate them like I do. It’s why I created my...
