January 2013
2 posts
Do I have to stop making Checkpoint Charlie jokes just because Checkpoint Charlie hasn’t existed in over 20 years?
Nothing like reading two notices of your own...
Not my death exactly, but Joe Schmitt’s death. And another Joe Schmitt’s death.
Thanks to Google Alerts on “joe schmitt” I know that 2 different Joseph Schmitts have died in the Chicago area in the last few months. One even had the same middle initial as me. The whole thing is a bit unsettling, especially since one was a murder-suicide where the Joe Schmitt also took the life of his son.
Anyone...
December 2012
6 posts
“Root for the Packers? And for what? So I can watch the Bears offensive line...”
“Forget the Naughty List— if Santa only brought presents to kids who...”
“I had to cut through the perfume floor of Macy’s, so now I won’t be...”
2 tags
“I called 9-1-1, but they told me that Paul McCartney replacing Kurt Cobain in...”
1 tag
Rex Huppke's "Obituary For Facts" named to Time's... →
But since facts are dead, this could just be made up.
November 2012
4 posts
Get it together, ad writers!
From my friend Chris:
I saw an ad for United that says “We’re going places. More than 370 to be exact.” Ummmmmmmmmmmm how is that exact? That’s like making a cake with a recipe that says “Add some eggs. More than one to be exact. And some flour. More than a tablespoon to be exact.” GET IT TOGETHER, AD WRITERS!
“No, Facebook, I don’t want to pay you to make sure my friends see this...”
“It’s morning in America.”
teapartycat:
The TeaPartyCat Guide to the 2012 Election from FlyoverJoel
October 2012
11 posts
“Good night for Chicago: Bears victory, Obama victory, and both even covered the...”
Nerdist: The Funniest People You Should Be... →
Anjeanette Carter picks @TeaPartyCat as #1 and @RexHuppke as #5. Awesome.
“My wife is seein New Order, John Taylor, and Morrissey this week, and yet there...”
“They say there’s a presidential debate tonight, but I’m pretty sure...”
“If Romney loses, will those “put the white back in White House”...”
“The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the European Union. The EU was unavailable...”
“My coworker is a big Obama supporter and Bears fan, and had this to say about...”
September 2012
2 posts
“Drew Peterson found guilty on one count of murdering his 3rd wife and two counts...”
August 2012
10 posts
“I so wish I could train this cat to use his kneading abilities for my benefit...”
– @VenitaGriffin
“First they came for Epstein, and I said nothing.
Then they came for Horshack,...”
“Horshack, Epstein— when are you people going to wake up and realize Gabe...”
“I’m claiming that Men’s Handball was a prank somebody played on the...”
“After yelling at the printer I informed my co-workers that there is nothing in...”
– @marta28 (via meetingboy)
“A million monkeys creating a million Tumblrs are bound to come up with something...”
“I have always seen the struggle for Marriage Equality as something that would be...”
– Comment on Talking Points Memo about the Chick-fil-A appreciation day by a gay reader. Powerful. Read the whole thing.
July 2012
6 posts
Questions for friends on Facebook
My friend Emanuel wrote this list, which he allowed me to publish since he no longer has a blog. The man is a genius— read on.
————————
Questions I’d like to ask some people on Facebook but then remember I have actual work to do:
When did you become all churchy?
Do you really need an alias? We can see your actual name.
What exactly...
“Chad Ochocinco officially became Chad Johnson again, saying “I am not a...”
“Clicked a link
in a tweet
to get to Tumblr
to see a photo
taken with...”
“Today may be the hottest day in Chicago history, which is great news for fans of...”
“Millions of middle-class Americans are now receiving unemployment benefits, and...”
– Rolling Stone article about how quickly people in the middle class can become homeless after losing their job these days. Scary stuff, and how precarious are many of us?
June 2012
15 posts
Katie Holmes says she’s “looking forward to wearing heels again.”
— Joe Schmitt (@joeschmitt) June 29, 2012
I should point out that I came up with this when I remembered what Nicole Kidman said to Letterman shortly after they were divorced. Something like “I no longer have to wear flats.”
“Chicagoans, nothing to worry about. It’s not dark at noon because of some...”
1 tag
“ALERT: Gay Pride Oreos are just a plot by Michelle Obama to keep Christian...”
– @TeaPartyCat
Follow if you’re a fan of Colbert-esque satire
1 tag
“My wife is sad about not getting tickets to Morrissey. Not...”
1 tag
“Sorry, but “21 Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity” is...”
“Montreal poetry competitions are the new Agricultural Minister of Namibia scams.”
– Moe Levin 