January 3, 2013

Do I have to stop making Checkpoint Charlie jokes just because Checkpoint Charlie hasn’t existed in over 20 years?

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January 2, 2013

Nothing like reading two notices of your own death. Except for reading a notice of your own death.

Not my death exactly, but Joe Schmitt’s death. And another Joe Schmitt’s death.
Thanks to Google Alerts on “joe schmitt” I know that 2 different Joseph Schmitts have died in the Chicago area in the last few months. One even had the same middle initial as me. The whole thing is a bit unsettling, especially since one was a murder-suicide where the Joe Schmitt also took the life of his son.

Anyone else run into this?

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December 30, 2012
“ Root for the Packers? And for what? So I can watch the Bears offensive line meltdown next week in the playoffs?
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December 27, 2012
teapartycat: NRA: “It’s too soon to talk about reindeer control.” Reindeer control is the most important issue facing our great nation. Call your congressman today.

teapartycat:

NRA: “It’s too soon to talk about reindeer control.”

Reindeer control is the most important issue facing our great nation. Call your congressman today.

(Source: teapartycat)

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December 23, 2012
“ Forget the Naughty List— if Santa only brought presents to kids who brushed and flossed that night, he’d be done in 10 minutes.
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December 15, 2012
“ I had to cut through the perfume floor of Macy’s, so now I won’t be able to taste food for a week.
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December 12, 2012
“ I called 9-1-1, but they told me that Paul McCartney replacing Kurt Cobain in Nirvana is not a hate crime and to stop calling.
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December 5, 2012
Rex Huppke's "Obituary For Facts" named to Time's Top 10 Opinions of 2012

But since facts are dead, this could just be made up.

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November 29, 2012

Get it together, ad writers!

From my friend Chris:

I saw an ad for United that says “We’re going places. More than 370 to be exact.” Ummmmmmmmmmmm how is that exact? That’s like making a cake with a recipe that says “Add some eggs. More than one to be exact. And some flour. More than a tablespoon to be exact.” GET IT TOGETHER, AD WRITERS!

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November 16, 2012
“ No, Facebook, I don’t want to pay you to make sure my friends see this post, and I never will, so please stop asking.
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