November 8, 2009
They will sell me a bottle of water at Soldier Field, but they won’t let me have the bottlecap. You know, because otherwise the stadium could get hijacked by water-bottle-wielding extremists and crashed into the Sears Tower, and then the Terrorists would win!

They will sell me a bottle of water at Soldier Field, but they won’t let me have the bottlecap. You know, because otherwise the stadium could get hijacked by water-bottle-wielding extremists and crashed into the Sears Tower, and then the Terrorists would win!

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November 7, 2009

And if someone knows of a Tumblr app for iPhone that will let me post questions that people can answer like on the web, let me know. I will pay any price*.

*By any price I mean I’d like it to be free.

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It’s a little early for a Christmas tree, right?

It’s a little early for a Christmas tree, right?

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November 6, 2009

The Catholic Church welcomes Anglicans back to the fold, as long as they share the Pope's bigotry.

Turns out old disagreements over divorce and married priests aren’t nearly as important as hating gays and keeping women out. What a guy this Pope is. What a guy.

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November 5, 2009
“ Hurry up and fast-forward through this commercial— they’re playing Christmas music!
@rondicasmith, who then pointed out that she was at that moment making paper snowdrifts for the holiday display she’s building at work
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If I'm ever in a horrible plane crash where the plane hits a schoolbus and then skids off a pier and sinks a ferry, make sure the ambulance takes me to Seattle Grace.

Or anything but Cook County, that place has too much drama.

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“ Listening to someone noisily chew pretzels isn’t half as annoying as trying to get their blood out of your carpet.
@sarkastickunt, Tweet of the Day runner-up, November 5, 2009

And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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“ A Stephen King story is in this week’s New Yorker, but no one will see it: every copy is soaked with bitter tears of creative writing MFAs.
@CourtneyReimer, Tweet of the Day, November 5, 2009

And check out the complete list of picks for Tweet of the Day
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How does a deaf couple pick their safe word?

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November 4, 2009
“ Please RSVP sometime before you show up so we know what photos and previous wedding gifts to display.
My uncle Phil, regarding an upcoming extended family gathering.
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